My husband and I are not speaking. Or at least, I am not speaking to him, and he keeps quiet just in case. This morning all was good, we were laughing and joking, lazy Saturday, no plans, no need to rush anywhere, beautiful. As I was getting dressed, I thought I would run a routine check to find out whether my husband was still a big soft romantic that he had always been no matter how hard he’d tried to deny it.
I just finished reading a short story in which a man was so smitten, he went on to marry a woman who stole money from him after their one night of passion. This provided a perfect benchmark to assess where my husband stood on the love conquers all issue.
– So, if you met me at a bar of a hotel you were staying at for business, and you saw me there, all done up and beautiful and you would be instantly attracted to me…
– You are beautiful and I am attracted to you, my love, my husband interjected nervously, feeling massively out of his depth already.
– Please don’t interrupt pumpkin, so, you have a few drinks with me and you really like me and at the end of the evening you ask me to go to your room with you and to your surprise I agree. We spend an amazing night together, and you have the best sex of your life, twice, and then when you wake up in the morning, I am gone and so is your wallet, your cash as well as a very expensive watch your grandma gave you on your twenty first. Do you think you would marry me if our paths crossed again at some point?
-No, of course not. Not if you turned out to be a common thief. Marriage needs to be based on trust, how could I trust you after that? No, sorry, but no, I would not marry you under those circumstances.
-Oh, come on, where is your romantic side? What happened to fighting for your love?? What is wrong with you??? Remember that despite what I did you were really attracted to me, and you couldn’t get me out of your head, why would you not marry me, what is wrong with you??
-Sorry, darling, but I couldn’t marry you if you stole all my valuables from me after a one night stand and disappeared like that. Why are we having this conversation anyway?
-I just wanted to find out how much love mattered to you and how far would you be prepared to go for a woman you fell head over heels in love with despite some minor imperfections in her character.
-Minor imper…? You stole my wallet from me…
-Oh, stop being so petty! You know what, I am sorry, but this conversation is not going the way I hoped. I am very disappointed with your attitude, I can’t believe you. Having listened to your answers I am not sure how I feel about this relationships right now.
There was no point carrying on, so I walked out of the bedroom, one sock on one sock off which hopefully added an air of finality to my gesture, and left no room for doubt about the extent of my disappointment.
It is past lunchtime now, and he still hasn’t apologised. I bet he doesn’t even know what he did wrong. Men!
Ania Heasley 